It's been so hot here in the Adirondacks, it's really making it hard to function. Last week I received an email from the study in Chicago. Because I haven't required steroids at least two times in the last 12 months and my most recent MRI didn't show any new lesions I don't qualify for the study. But, they did tell me that if my next MRI shows any activity to send it to them and they will reevaluate.
I feel like I'm being punished for being a "trooper". I've had relapses during the last year, but I haven't gone to the doctor. I've had a few that caused body numbness, migraines, dizziness, I could go on... My outlook is, if I can function I'll just wait it out. It'll go away eventually. I hate the way steroids make me feel and I hate having all of those extra chemicals and hormones in my body. Anyway, steroids don't cure anything. They just make it go away faster. In the past I never saw the point of complaining or going to the doctor. There was no point. It's incurable. This is my life and I have to deal with it. But now there's hope! It is pretty amazing.
I have an appointment with my neurologist next week. This time I'm going to complain. I don't feel well! I am constantly dizzy, lightheaded and have several migraines a day. It's hard to walk and hard to keep my thoughts straight. Maybe I can have an MRI and maybe it will show activity. Feeling crummy is kind of my default setting. Is that just how I am now or does that mean I have active lesions? I have no idea.
Well, do me a favor. Think unhappy, lesioney thoughts for me next week. If this complaining plan doesn't work I'm going to have to go out of the country for treatment. I don't know if I can afford that. Argh. I'm so sick of feeling sick!
I need a nap.
In other news, my kids are awesome. :)